Um, okay, I'm totally stupid. I don't understand the last line. Will someone please explain?
“What are you reading, Sam?”
I looked up from the book and glared at Ben, who interrupted my “personal time.” I held up the book to show him the title of the book; Twilight.
“Le gasp!” Ben said, covering his mouth as though horribly shocked. “I thought you said it was nothing but a load of crap!”
“It is!” I snapped, “I just wanna know what the big craze is. Why are girls going so crazy about this book?”
Ben shrugged and sat beside on the bench, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Girls are complicated creatures, my love. There is no use in trying to figure them out.”
“You make it sound like I’m not a girl,” I said, slouching a bit.
“That’s because you’re not,” Ben laughed and put his hands in front of his face as I leapt up. Before I could maul him, he quickly added, “You’re above them. You’re a goddess!!”
I grinned at that. A goddess, huh?
“Didn’t you already read that book, anyways?” Ben asked, as he took the book from my hands and flipped through the pages.
I nodded. “Yeah, but maybe I missed something. I mean, I’m a girl and I’m not crazy about it. But it drives me nuts when other girls are all, ‘Oh my god! Isn’t Edward hot!?’”
“You probably have no vagina, then.”
“…I’ll kill you.”
Ben put the book on my backpack. He smiled at my threat and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, laughing when I pretended to strangle him. Looking at the book, he made thoughtful face. “But I am kinda surprised you don’t appreciate the book at all.”
“And why’s that?” I asked, resting my chin on his shoulder.
“The book’s the reason we went out, remember?”
I nodded.
We were nothing more than partners in crime, making jokes out of one another. Then one day I said, “Hey, let’s go out, just to see the reaction on their faces.” I was referring to our group of friends. They often said we were the most incompatible couple.
“Yeah!” Ben grinned. “But you do know, that I have to be the man in the relationship, right?”
“You don’t have enough testosterone to be a man!”
We decided that to make it more unbelievable, he was going to ask me out in public and make it look like he just fell in love with me over some stupid reason. I was reading Twilight and when I finished it, I yelled, “That sucked!”
Ben was there and he said, “Really? Me too. Let’s go out.”
Needless to say it did kinda shock everyone, but not as much as we had hoped for. But we continued to “go out” until one day, Ben said, “…Hey, I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
“I know. Wanna pretend to break up instead?”
“Not, exactly. I want to go out with you for real.”
No one ever discovered that it was meant to be a joke, but as we went out for real, people noticed the difference. I would glare at just about any girl who got too close to him, and Ben had even once spent his whole allowance to get me a collection of books. He even let me in on a little secret…
I’m not saying I love the guy. I mean, come on! I’m just seventeen. But I have more fun around Ben than I do with anyone else.
Ben puffed his cheeks at me and gently blew at my face to snap me out of my little flashback. “Hey! Are you even listening to me?”
I frowned at him. “Sorry, I thought I heard God there for a sec. What were you saying?”
“I said,” Ben began, leaning his forehead against mine. “That I think I know why you might not like it.”
I rose an eyebrow at that. “You do?”
“Uh-huh.” He grinned widely and, for the first time in a while, I noticed his abnormally large fangs. “Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
-End.
Um, okay, I'm totally stupid. I don't understand the last line. Will someone please explain?
I absolutely loved the title for this one, it drew me in from the Featured Stories even though I try to stay away from the vampire stuff until Twilight dies down. But, it got me curious, about what real vampires would do.
Of course, most of the stuff has been pointed out by all of the previous reviewers, but I'll give it my opinion anyway. I do like these characters, although I do think that they could use some more depth to them. If this is a short story, then we should get a real good glimpse of these characters.
Ben was there and he said, “Really? Me too. Let’s go out.”
He even let me in on a little secret…
I’m not saying I love the guy. I mean, come on! I’m just seventeen.
“Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
Hey, I'm kind of a sucky critique, but I'll give it a go!
So I enjoyed it, it was funny and a good read. I personally thought the dialogue was a smidge unrealistic, but I'm a bad person to ask because a) I don't hang around people who act like this and b) I read WAY too many books written more than a hundred years ago. It was still good though!
Descriptions weren't 100%. I was kind of lost, where are they? Why is there a bench? Are they in a park? Are they at school? Does Sam just happen to have a bench in her living room? Lol.
So, to finish, you know, good characters, fun read, yeah! woot.
@_@;; [ish shocked at the number of reviews] xD; Thank you everyone for taking you time to read my story! I really didn't expect this many reviews. But each of them really helped me spot the flaws in my story. Now I want to go back and edit it like crazy. e.e I shall re-work on it now! D<
Thank you again,
-Poppy
Hey there, poppy! I'm Sarah and I'll be your reviewer for today.
Ben shrugged and sat beside on the bench,
“Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
WOW! I so didn't expect that! I have a friend named ben, and he's a big goof ball. So i imagined ben like that. WOW! Total surprise when I found out that Ben was a vamp. I thought it would be a couple of posts about how she really meets an Edward, like, just like the real one, and they fall in love and stuff. That was so good. You have got a talent, or you just ahd a really good idea. Either way, your good at this, kid, and you should so keep writing. Who knows? You may be the ne J.K. Rowling or Stephenie Myers. Oh. Did you write that because you don't like Twilight? My mom hates it, but she loves the movie and the sound track.
Oh no. I'm rambeling! I tend to do that sometime, espesially about Twilight. I remember once--oh no! I'm doing it again!
Anyway, just PM me when you see this. I want to know if your a Twilighter or an Anti-Twilighter.
Cheers.
Poppy Mare, I must say, your title caught my attention right away 
I looked up from the book and glared at Ben, who interrupted my “personal time.” I held up the book to show him the title of the book; Twilight.
Ben shrugged and sat beside me on the bench, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“That’s because you’re not,” Ben laughed and put his hands in front of his face as I leapt up. Before I could maul him, he quickly added, “You’re above them. You’re a goddess!!”
I grinned at that. A goddess, huh?
“Didn’t you already read that book, anyways?” Ben asked, as he took the book from my hands and flipped through the pages.
We were nothing more than partners in crime, making jokes out of one another. Then one day I said, “Hey, let’s go out, just to see the reaction on their faces.” I was referring to our group of friends. They often said we were the most incompatible couple.
“Uh-huh.” He grinned widely and, for the first time in a while, I noticed his abnormally large fangs. “Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
That was so cool. However, I think that last line kind of confuses me... I'm not sure what he means by that... because they are together and he is acting normal or what? Sorry, I guess I kind of ruined the ending for myself 
I think a gold star is in order... =]Hiya. ^^ I enjoyed this very much. there isnt' much I can say that others haven't already. I would like to suggest not having long parts of your story in italics. It's a proven fake that it takes longer for the brain to process the meanings of the words. (I read this time on an agent's site, and I'm sure one day you'll want this published.)
But really everyone else hit the nail. Fang-tasic job. ^^
Wow, great twist at the end! I love the idea and the way you carried it out, but Ben's dialogue is completely unbelievable.
“Girls are complicated creatures, my love. There is no use in trying to figure them out.”
“That’s because you’re not,” Ben laughed and put his hands in front of his face as I leapt up. Before I could maul him, he quickly added, “You’re above them. You’re a goddess!!”
Ben was there and he said, “Really? Me too. Let’s go out.”
“What are you reading, Sam?”
I looked up from the book and glared at Ben, who had interrupted my “personal time.” I held up the book to show him the title [s]of the book[/s]: Twilight.
Ben shrugged and sat beside me on the bench, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Girls are complicated creatures, my love. There is no use in trying to figure them out.”
“Didn’t you already read that book, anyways?” Ben asked, as he took the book from my hands and flipped through the pages.
I nodded, “Yeah, but maybe I missed something. I mean, I’m a girl and I’m not crazy about it. But it drives me nuts when other girls are all, ‘Oh my god! Isn’t Edward hot!?’”
“You probably have no vagina, then.”
“…I’ll kill you.”
“The book’s the reason we went out, remember?”
I nodded.
We were nothing more than partners in crime, making jokes out of one another. Then one day I said, “Hey, let’s go out, just to see the reaction on their faces,” I was referring to our group of friends. They often said we were the most incompatible couple.
“Yeah!” Ben had grinned. “But you do know, that I have to be the man in the relationship, right?”
“You don’t have enough testosterone to be a man!” Ha, that was a funny line.
Hey, I'm Jas. I just thought I'd throw in my two cents here.
Ben shrugged and sat beside on the bench,
“Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
Ooh, very nice.
I loved the relationship between the two characters. Seriously. The whole "Twilight"-bashing thing is getting a little old for me (even though I don't like "Twilight") and so when I first started reading it, I was kind of like "meh, more bashing, but in fiction form... wheee..."
Then I actually read it and I loved the character interactions. And the dialogue! ZOMG! The dialogue was just pure win. I actually liked the characters! They were both so snarky and yet so sweet with each other. Most excellent.
“Uh-huh.” He grinned widely and, for the first time in a while, I noticed his abnormally large fangs. “Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
I loved it. Great balance of humor, love, and Twilight. Exactly what I'd be looking for in a story.
I'd love to hear a part two. If you come up with one, PM me! :]
I loved this! The dialogue was really natural and it was very well written. The flashback is a bit jerky but very relevant which is good.
I grinned at that. A goddess, huh?
“Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
Gold star for you!
That's really cute. I like it.“You probably have no vagina, then.”
“…I’ll kill you.”This and a lot of other lines are really realistic and funny. I could see someone actaully seeing that, too.“…Hey, I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
“I know. Wanna pretend to break up instead?”
“Not, exactly. I want to go out with you for real.”
Thank you everyone! Romance isn't really my thing, but I wanted to do something different for a change. Thank you all for the review! ^^
-Poppy
I would just like to first say that I absolutely loved it! From the very first line it sucked my right in. That's one of the most important things in stories. I also liked the way it felt like a real conversation, a real couple. You have some great gifts for writing Keep going!
wow. I loved how you turned Ben from a cocky boyfriend into a smart vampire!!
I;m a bad critique, I tell everyone, so..... Terrific Job!
Hey there!
Your title is what dragged me here, as I just love vampires and I thought it was going to be the beginning of your typical vampire love story and then I found out and then as I read this I couldn't help but bask in the humor and the lightness of this. It was a well-written story and though I would say that it could use a little bit more description I won't because this was enjoyable to read all by itself.
Favorite Part:
“Uh-huh.” He grinned widely and, for the first time in a while, I noticed his abnormally large fangs. “Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships.”
Hi there! I'm Dark Angel, and I'll be critiquing your story today. >.<
So, for starters, that was a wonderful beginning! I saw it on the front page, and it just hooked me right in. Also, I absolutely love the way you portray this love between Sam and Ben. I hate how stories always portray love as this godly, heavenly thing mere mortals will never understand, and this makes it seem more real and human, just how I like it. 
Great work!
However, I do have to nitpick it a little bit - otherwise what kind of review would this be? So, here goes my grammar Nazi routine...
“It is!” I snapped, “I just wanna know what the big craze is. Why are girls going so crazy about this book?”
Ben shrugged and sat beside on the bench, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
We decided that to make it more unbelievable, he was going to ask me out in public and make it look like he just fell in love with me over some stupid reason. I was reading Twilight and when I finished it, I yelled, “That sucked!”
Ben was there and he said, “Really? Me too. Let’s go out.”
“Sorry, I thought I heard God there for a sec. What were you saying?”
“Uh-huh.” He grinned widely and, for the first time in a while, I noticed his abnormally large fangs. “Cause you know what real Vampires would do in relationships."
*hehehehe.* Wow. That was really good!
I didn't see that coming at all!!
I saw no grammar mistakes either!!!
I think that you should do a second chapter just for laughs!
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